One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
