he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
