Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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