did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
