2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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