So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
