I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
