Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's like heaven, but drunker
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
