Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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