It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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