I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
