I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
