I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
