Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
