She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
