Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
