Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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