In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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