And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
