I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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