you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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