I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
