I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
