there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
