Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize