i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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