She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
is it fun? or sober?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
