She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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