I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
