there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
