My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
