So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
