I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
