I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize