she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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