this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
