Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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