Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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