apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
