We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize