Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
as a side note pls kill me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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