i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
