Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I just went to clothing optional bar
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize