I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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