I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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