I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
