singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
