This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
