If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
