apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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