I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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