i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
