Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
