Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
