Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
