Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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