she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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