Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
