Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
