"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
